spacematic.net

So now we have almost everything in place at the new home of spacematic.net and soon it will again be business as usual. Fine by me – I’m done with all this fancy HTML and XML and CSS and whatever else haunts me in my sparse dreams when I finally get rest. But it’s best to work on these things from the ground up and learn the language of the interweb, lest I be swindled by ne’er-do-wells wishing to rip me off for something I can do myself. It’s all about discipline, I guess. Tired of my rambling for today? Good. So am I.
In parting, rest assured that the site has not been abandoned. It’s just that I have to get all this technical crap out of the way so I can go back to the actual writing. Still a work in progress. Moving’s always a bitch, whether in the real world or on the web. See ya later! –Mike

I stumbled upon a distressing site the other day. A man is supposedly holding a rabbit named “Toby” ransom for $50,000 dollars. The site claims that if he does not receive the specified amount in donations or gear, the rabbit gets it and will be butchered and eaten.
A lot of peoples’ first responses have been “brilliant!” and “wow, that’s one way to make a quick buck.” But let’s just take a closer look at this so-called creativity, this remarkable ingenuity. First of all, this type of website isn’t new. There’s an older site named savebernd.com that makes the exact same claims. Only at savebernd.com, the owner is demanding one million euros. Upon closer inspection, the savebernd site declares itself a hoax. And indeed, upon examination of savetoby, we find the same thing. Visitors as early as February recall a small disclaimer at the bottom of the page that stated the whole thing was a hoax, but that disclaimer has now been removed. Why? Probably to induce empathetic champions of animal rights to cough up dough under duress. This begs the question: “Is this any honorable way to make money on the web?”
I don’t think so, and apparently neither does PayPal, since they have suspended the anonymous owner’s account. However, the CafePress store is still open for business and no doubt making money at this very moment. Hoax or no, I wouldn’t be able to sleep well at night if I was at the helm of such an entrepreneurial endeavor. This is just another sick extention of the age old-web premise “I deserve a bunch of money, so I’ll set up a site let everyone contribute a dollar.” True, if everybody on the web gave you a dollar, you’d be rich as sin. But I just wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it like this. The money-makers I respect and would like to emulate are the James Lileks’, Homestar Runners and many others who gain income through creativity and labor. The authors of savetoby and savebernd are appealing to the lowest common denominator of society, those who would do anything to make a quick buck. At best, this reminds me of cheap reality television. At worst, it’s proof that the Western world has learned nothing of its first few years in the 21st Century. Every day, we see people taken hostage on television, threatened with horrible execution unless some fringe terror organization’s demands are met. In no way am I trying to compare the life of a simple coney to the life of another human being, but the model of these pitiful web sites echo the model of modern terrorism. It’s a pretty safe bet to assume this extension of thought never made it to the minds of the simpletons who embarked on this “hilarious” cash-generating scam. There are too many other honest ways to make a buck, guys. This one just ain’t funny. It sure as hell won’t get you any dates, either. Put the rabbit down, give it to somebody who will care about it and imagine the responses and expressions of those you tell your story to. You know, that classic American success story of how you made a fortune by threatening to kill your pet. You’re a real hero, asshole. –Mike

This recent campaign put together by clandestine forces is meant to provoke curiosity and deep intrigue. “OMNIUM FINIS IMMINET” Oooooh, say it again! “OMNIUM FINIS IMMINET!” Scary, ain’t it? The Banapana Man has adopted this thing as a passing fancy, as have I. In this entry, I’m going to attempt to decode the cryptic phrase and it’s origin through the use of ANAGRAMS! Let the chuckles begin. Or not. I have no idea how this is going to turn out.
First Anagram: “FE I MIMI MI I’M NUN SNOT”
Say it ten times fast. The new single from Eminem. The song’s title is “I’m Nun Snot,” the first half is just a vocal warm-up for the shorties.
Second Anagram: “ION MINT MINIFIES MUM”
It’s a new lozenge co-designed by NASA and certified by the Space Foundation. This little ion mint “minifies” or reduces mumming noises. God only knows how that really works, but I’m willing to give it a try.
Third Anagram: “INFINITE MINIMUMS, OM”
Chant this while staring at a sign for Sam’s Club and wholesaler discount nirvana will be yours. Only low, low prices can save your soul from pesky retail re-incarnation.
Fourth Anagram: “I’M TIM IN FEMINISM UNO”
Poor guy. Those ladies are just gonna keep making you grab more cards. You’ll never win, Tim. Give up.
Fifth Anagram: “I’M INFINITE MINUS MOM”
The arcane epitaph on the grave of Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Obsessive bugger, he was.
Chances are, this little promo is way cooler than what it’s promoting. I predict with near 100% confidence that we’ll be sorry we spent so much time trying to figure out what it’s for and where it comes from. I think it would be neat if it was the Pope’s way of giving everybody the finger. It is Latin, after all and it means “The end of all things is upon us.” The Pope thing would be funny. Now that I think about it, it could be Wal-Mart’s really twisted way of letting you know they’re coming to your town soon. –Mike