spacematic.net

Not too long ago, I said that TiVo makes it possible to enjoy better programming in the same space of time one would normally be watching crap TV. That remains true, but if you haven’t gotten one of these things yet, let me warn you about an illness I’ve encountered: Two-Week TiVo Overdose.
Don’t get me wrong, you need a DVR. But making the adjustment to the new device’s many features and capabilities will turn you into a fool for about two weeks. When I got mine, I dove into the relatively trouble-free setup, spent an hour or two watching TV and promptly went about my business. The first few days, TiVo was just another component in my entertainment system. But then the silly little bugger started finding things for me to watch, and I was unprepared for such altruism. Each time I went to the TiVo Suggestions menu, I was intrigued by the offerings. Shows I never even knew existed were magically waiting for me! I had to watch.
Before I knew it, my normal viewing habits were out the window and I spiraled into an ungodly television binge over a two-week period. I couldn’t move, my eyes were bloodshot, I felt the need to snack almost constantly. Roughly thirty hours a week were spent in this state. TiVo – Damn You! You weaseled your way into my home and hijacked my spare time with countless episodes of “South Park,” “King Of The Hill,” “Flavor Of Love” and “Mail Call.” And those were just a few of the Season Passes I had set up.
What makes the little beast completely irresistible is its ability to seek out new things to record based on your interests. TiVo quickly learned that I like documentaries, so while I caught up on R. Lee Ermey’s hyper-enthusiastic demonstrations of military technology, TiVo simultaneously recorded nature shows, disaster scenarios and biographies. My favorite doc title by far was “When Beaches Attack!” Who could resist a show so fetchingly titled? I simply had to learn about beaches that lurk in the shadows, waiting axiously for the chance to strike out at unsuspecting tourists. In all of my years of visiting beaches, not once have I worried about turning my back on one. The last thing you expect is a beach sneaking up on you, deftly slicing through your achilles tendon, pummelling you into submission and taking your wallet. But wait a second – I have had a beach steal my sunglasses. And my money. But homicide? Not the beaches I know. They’ve always seemed so calm and quiet. Just kinda keep to themselves, ya know? Now I know better.
Toward the middle of my two-weeks of television mayhem, my dog started to whine whenever I picked up the remote control. She was my savior. If not for her constant attempts to pry me away from the idiot box, I probably would have remained there, basking in the warm, lobotomizing cathode-rays. I would have been overcome with the mysterious urge to lean on random watercoolers and recapitulate the latest happenings on “24.” As she helped me recover from my addiction, I realized that there really is a Dog… and she loves me very much.
Now things seem like they’re back to normal, and I’ve been able to temper my viewing habits. I’m back to my old schedule of three hours a day. When used judiciously, TiVo is a brilliant tool. But as is the case with all technology, it must be treated with respect, and maybe even a little suspicion. Dare I continue using the TiVo? Of course I should! The cute little thing would get lonely if I just left it there.
Truly, the marketing of a component as an anthropomorphized “TV friend” who is eager to please was a brilliant move.  As if television weren’t addictive enough already, TiVo has incorporated a Tamagochi-esque animated mascot who magically learns what you like to watch, seeking out programming tailored to your interests and input. Aww, simpwy puh-wesshious! But Allie’s got things under control. She’s ever vigilant, and she’ll be damned if a silver box replaces her as man’s new best friend. –mike